By Shana Adams (@bbgtonline)
I’m going to tell you a story about a girl. This girl grew up and became teenager. This teenage girl was awkward as she could be and ended up transferring schools her sophomore year of high school. This teenage girl was picked on pretty bad in school, but she persevered and went to college. In college, this teenage girl became a young woman and decided that she was tired of being a fat hot mess. Then this young woman met a young man who took her on a journey that would change her life forever. This young man hung with her from thick to thin, encouraging her along the way, giving her all of his love and support. This young woman transitioned into a newly fit, sexy, and confident grown woman. All of the love, encouragement and support from this man couldn’t make this woman stay. She lost sight of where she started, dumped her man for the jock that never noticed her while she was a fat hot mess, and ended up with a man who tore her newly built confidence down. After many trials and tribulations with her new boo, she leaves him and realizes she made the biggest mistake of her life, but she’s too late. The man who was there from thick to thin was gone, living happily ever after with someone who appreciated him and reciprocated his love.
What a tragic story, right? A story like this has played out in movies and real life countless times. You probably figured out it’s based on a true story. It’s partially my story except for the part where I’m stupid and leave the best thing smoking for a fantasy. I’m still with my original boo and I’ll fight somebody over him. He’s not a jock, a model, or a millionaire. He’s real and has been there for me through it all and is still there now. He’s my rock and we’re in this together. Enough about me though. This type of scenario is all too common for women and men even who have gone through a body/career/life transformation. Why does this happen? I find myself pondering that at least once or twice a week. I’m no psychologist and please don’t take this as fact but I believe it’s in the nature of people. Here are some reasons why I believe a big transformation like weight loss effects relationships.
• You simply don’t know what you have until it’s gone. When you find someone who loves you for you, you take that for granted and think that all relationships are like this. Trust, they are NOT. You start doing things out of character not thinking that it affects your significant other. So what, s/he’ll always be there. Will s/he?
• You don’t know yourself fully. After you’ve gone through the torment and ridicule of puberty and entered early adulthood, you start to find out who you really are as a person. I don’t care what anyone says; changing your body in such a drastic way changes you psychologically. You start to see yourself in a whole new light. You discover who you really are underneath all of that weight. Sometimes you aren’t who you thought you were.
• That grass looks greener. This is what I call fantasyland. I’m a Pisces and if you know anything about signs, you know that’s the sign of the dreamer. When you lose weight, other people start to notice you. Maybe more attractive people make you realize what your loyal partner lacks. My man isn’t unattractive but he’s a nerd. When we got together, I remember wanting someone with more “swag” but in the grand scheme of things, swag can’t make me a better woman.
• Keeping the ego at bay. People that you would have never had a chance with when you were a fat hot mess want you all of a sudden. If you’re like me and aren’t used to compliments from people other than your mother, then you know that this is hard to handle. I’ve had to figure out how to humble myself while people are constantly feeding my ego. It’s hard to stay grounded but it’s possible.
There are so many reasons why/how getting the big “head” ruins relationships but it doesn’t have to. I’m fortunate that I have a man who talks everything out with me and doesn’t get upset when I bring things up that are uncomfortable for him. We’re in this together and for any relationship, you have to remember that. Going through a body transformation is something that changes you physically but both of you must be ready for the emotional rollercoaster that you will go through. You have to remember that there are a lot of psychological changes that take place during a transformation. As a couple, you should stay prayed up and face the changes head on. You can do it with your love by your side because love truly conquers all.