I think I've told this story a billion times, but what's one more, right? Ever since I can remember, I've always been big. The "biggest" and the tallest girl all throughout pre-school and elementary. I always felt like I didn't fit in or that something was wrong with me. I was constantly teased.
It was the summer between seventh and eighth grade. I took a trip with my Mom to Atlanta for the Bronner Brothers Hair Show. I think this is when I first noticed boys and had my first crush. They were twins. I immediately vowed to lose the weight (probably for all the wrong reasons) and I started my weight loss plan as soon as I hit Tennessee. I came back to my last year in junior high school slimmer and trimmer. Unfortunately, I had done it all the wrong ways. I'm pretty sure a dietician would say I "starved myself" and I remember some days I'd be so weak, I would just sleep and eat crackers and soup. In hindsight, I guess I had an eating disorder.
Since that point, my weight has been a yo-yo. At my heaviest I was 160 and my smallest was 130. That is until I moved to New Jersey in 2007. I decided to make a complete lifestyle change and became a vegetarian. After meeting my fiance in 2008, I started running. I can't say it was love at first sight and even now, most days I loathe it. But I am in complete and total love with how far my self-esteem has come. Granted, I've still got a ways to go and the pictures of the fat me, still haunt me.
I must admit, running has recently taken a backseat to work and school. But I'm determined not to let the old me come back. I realize that it is more about looking good, but it's about feeling good. So where do I go from here? I literally take it one day at a time. After flaking out on the Chicago Marathon, I decided that with running, you can't conquer it in a day, month, year or five. It's a continuous effort and something that will continue to challenge me. Hopefully I can complete my first half marathon in 2010. I'm a little obsessed with my pace and distances ( I use Nike+) so I will continue to try to improve on my personal goals. Staying motivated isn't easy and I'm always in need of inspiration. To say I get up every morning looking forward to running would be a lie. But to say that I get up every morning with a commitment to myself to try the very hardest I can to be better mentally and physically would be more accurate.
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